Okay, I lied... sorta.  This will be the last public post I make, barring any unforeseen developments.  The blog will remain up for a while as I assemble everything by hand.  By "a while", I mean a long, long time.  Months, probably, since I have other projects ongoing as well.

Take care,

- Jim

Unless something outrageous happens, this will be my last post in public.  The journal has served its purpose and I'm going to be transferring it to a more private home under my total control (or as total as anything is these days).  this is a project that has been coming for quite some time and it needed to be done.  Still, I can't pretend that recent events or non-events haven't played a role.  Time is passing and the time for this blog has passed, I think.

- Jim

Happy Birthday to me, Happy birthday to meeeeee...

So I can't sing.  Sue me.  No, don't bother.  Unless you're into table top role playing, I don't have anything worth taking.

I keep going back to that earlier post.  Well, not really.  What if's, I suppose.  If only I hadn't been broken by my last... well, every single girlfriend I've had in the past.  If only... well, if wishes were nickles, at least my money problems would be solved.

Believe it or not, I have been working on stuff.  Well, not totally.  I did spend some time with the family since they pre-celebrated my birthday.  But before and after I did a bunch of things.  Nothing major - I didn't cure cancer or finish writing a novel, but I did start the long process of catching up with all the stuff here on my desk. 

- Jim

In the olden days, it wasn't a big deal for me to walk anywhere.  Exercise wasn't a problem for me and it was, for a while there, quite common for me to walk six, eight, ten miles in a day.  Just because.  After the knee injury, that's not happening.  There is still, however, a need for that exercise.  I may have found that spot, or at least have gotten closer to it.  I notice that I've been losing weight lately.

I suppose it helps to suffer unrequited love sometimes.  Nah, it'd never work - she's more than ten years younger than me.  And my relative age is the only failing among many that I'm not responsible for.  Still, positive changes, I suppose.

Anyway, here's to positive changes. 

Oh yeah, one day does not catch up an entire summer of missed deadlines.  Still, things are progressing forward.  I'm pretty happy about that, even with all the pining for that unrequited stuff.

- Jim

Things have calmed down a bit.  So, before the storm erupts again as it inevitably does, I'm going to take the time to catch up on some things.  It's not anything new, but I am always behind in my reading, writing, and my DVR. 

- Jim

Since we have foolishly chosen to anger those in power at Beloit, Wisconsin's code enforcement, we have received a litany of additional complaints.  Flower bushes?  Had to go.  Weeds?  Too many of them.  The dog smell?  Yup.  How that wasn't on the original list, I'm not sure.  Oh wait, because if you anger the police officer, you soon find a broken tail light.  In the same way, we're finding new levels of their abuse of power.

On a similar note, the police have been to our house several times over the past few years to tell us that if we see anyone doing anything improper in the nearby cemetery, that we should call and report it.  Well, today we did.  The police actually arrived this time, and told the kids to leave.  No warnings, no tickets, no talks with parents, no nothing.  Sigh.

This isn't going to be a blog about everything that sucks about Beloit, Wisconsin.  But, the posts for the next several days will probably be along those lines.

- Jim

My Sister and her kids got a house - well, a trailer.  They're still in the process of moving in, though they did stay there on Monday night.  Unfortunately, they don't have food or most of their furniture, so they're using the hotel accommodations while they have them. 

It still makes this household a pretty busy place for much of the day.  In many ways, this has been the disaster response headquarters, as well as a place for some of the kids to seek sanctuary.  They got a game system that they use at the hotel, but only a limited number of people can use it at one time.

We got a notice from the city.  While some of the accusations were probably warranted, many of them seem more than a little superfluous.  At their behest, we moved our patio furniture off our patio and onto the end of our driveway.  I'm not sure what they have against patio furniture, but now it can't be on the driveway either.  They're also making us remove a couple small, flat concrete blocks which served as burial markers for a couple of the family pets.  Seriously Beloit?

Beloit - A Family Place.  Hahahahaha.

No, seriously, that's their motto.  Another one is that they're green - all pro-environmental and stuff.  They made us remove our compost heap years ago, as well as the worm box we had for fishing.  Honestly, I don't get it.  Yeah, I do.  We live in a poor neighborhood, our house is in the lowest tier of property values, and some of us lean conservative.  I am regularly amazed they don't stand outside our doors with torches and pitchforks, but I figure it's only a matter of time.

They're rebooting uh -ish, The Brady Bunch?  Yeah, you read that right.

- Jim

On some level, one could call the last couple weeks a sort of vacation.  I did end up playing more video games than usual.  As a matter of fact, aside from a game of minesweeper or similar games, I'd mostly stopped playing before then.  I'm not complaining, but the impending deadlines that I set for myself became somewhat of an obsession with me.

But, with all the extra people around, and dogs, things just got too wild to do more complicated stuff.  I can't read with other people around.  Really.  I gave up on the hard stuff early on - I know better.  So, I took a look at the incredibly long list of books I had and picked an easy one - When the Tripods Came, by John Christopher.  I'd read it a couple times before, but this is MY copy now.  So, I figured I'd read it. 

Yeah no.  Even that's too complicated with everyone around.

Well, it's been a long couple weeks.  Most of the kids have gotten sick of hanging around here because we (mostly I) are "too boring".  In their defense, the kids have very little in the way of personal possessions.  They're tired of staying in a hotel during the nights and tired of being here during the days. The dogs on the other hand, are in here all the time.  I don't read with allergy headaches either, though I've tried.  And failed.  Cleaning might help, but it's hard to tell.  First, there's no way to clean faster than they shed.  Second, cleaning kicks up about as many allergens as not cleaning does.

Well, if things work out, they'll be getting their own place as early as Monday.  It may take a day or two to get fully moved in, but things look good in the direction.  They've gotten some of their things replaced.  Others, they'll have to work at. 

High hopes.

- Jim
But there is light at the end of the tunnel.  If everything works out, they're signing papers for a place on Monday. 

I've been away from my computer more lately.  It doesn't help with the things I need/want to do, but it does give the kids something else to do when they're over here.  Yeah, yeah, I know.  They shouldn't spend their whole summer playing computer games, but the point is that they lost just about everything they owned and I'm giving them as much leeway as I think is appropriate.  Besides, there've been more than a few really hot days during this period where it's unsafe to spend all day outside playing.

I don't know all the details, but they're looking at a couple houses.  Life is moving on, but slowly.  It's  probably too slow for them, but this is actually faster than I expected it to be.  Their old house is a total loss and will be torn down.  Whatever survived the fire and the burglaries was damaged by smoke, water, and the elements.  Speaking of which, there was a rather destructive little storm that passed through the area.   Granted, everything there was ruined already, but it didn't help matters any.

Okay, technically not everything, but close enough.  There's a company that came in and is attempting to clean the stuff.  Most of it is really beyond their abilities - I guess the mold is really bad.  I won't be going there any time soon.  I have enough problems with allergies now.

Um, that's about it.  I've been reading and stuff while I have time, but it's hard with kids running around demanding attention.  Apparently, though I've known this for a while, I do my best work alone.  It just amazes me how much I ever got done in the olden days when I was more social.

- Jim

It's been over a week since the fire.  Things aren't settling back to normal yet, but much of the crisis is gone.  That doesn't make things easier though - in a crisis, there's more help available.  Now the more tedious work of cataloging loss, replacing items, finding a new house, and every other major and minor detail must be attended to.  What makes it worse is that even if there were more help, the assistance that could possibly be provided is limited.  It's not the emergency kind where clothes of any style and many sizes could be used to help cover gaps, it's where specific things are needed at specific times.

Combine all that with the fact that the kids are tired of living in hotels, eating fast food, not having personal items, and so on.  The fact that everyone is cramped up in one room (or two) just makes matters worse.

Things came to a head a couple times.  Nothing real major, but it's important to handle these things early.  The problem is that the underlying causes - the loss of personal space and possession, won't be solved for some time.  They can't be.  Even if they could replace all the personal items lost right now, there'd be no place to put them.  Even if they got a house tomorrow, there'd be nothing to put in there.  The fact that neither of these two things are immediately possible means a solution will also take time.

It was probably a combination of all of this, but most of that family came over today and almost promptly fell asleep.  For hours.  I'm not complaining, it was probably good for them.

I would normally post something like this sooner, but the last few days have been insane.  This summer has been pretty hot for the entire United States.  It has also been dry as well.  I'm not sure how important all this background is, but on Sunday, it cooled down enough that my Sister's family decided to stay up late and have a family movie night.  Right in the middle of The Goonies, everyone in her family was in the living room, either outright asleep or dozing. 

Suddenly there was a loud pop, and all of the smoke alarms in the house went off.  As the house filled with smoke, my Sister got the dogs on leashes and her and the kids all got out safe.  That's really the important part - everyone, including the pets, got out safe.

Then their house burned.  The fire damage was pretty much contained to the second floor, though some bedrooms on the second floor were totally destroyed.  I don't want to scare anyone, but if there hadn't been a family movie night, this would have been a totally different story.  The rest of the house suffered extensive (or complete) smoke and water damage.  Some of the kids lost everything they owned in the fire. 

Luckily (on a relative scale), I'd been checking the scanner feed before going to bed and noticed the address.  My Sister didn't have a phone, so couldn't call us right away.  No big deal, we were there and got the kids over at our house eventually.  There was smoke from the fire more than a mile away.  Blah blah blah, the family had lots of help from friends, strangers, church groups, and more family.  They're hardly living the high life, but life is continuing. 

But.

Not everyone in this world is so helpful.  After the flames died and the firefighters left, the house was broken into at least twice.  Yup.  Remember when I said all the kids got out safe?  They did, but they had to physically stop the youngest one from going back in to rescue his Transformer toy.  It was on the first floor and though it undoubtedly smelled like smoke, it likely survived the fire.  It didn't survive the thieves though.  It's gone.  Luckily, uncle Jimmy was a fan of the show back in the 80's, and in place of an Ironhide transformer from the new movies, my nephew got a brand-new Pepsi Optimus Prime.  We also spent a couple days watching old Transformer cartoons on DVD as well.

So, on the one hand, I'm happy that most of the people were extremely helpful.  On the other, I hope the people who broke in and stole kids toys (among other things) got life-threatening lung infections from the smoke and are now dying.  Not that I'm bitter or anything. 

- Jim

The last few days have been a mess.  Money issues, mostly.  I haven't posted because I'm quitting soda - caffeine.  So, I've been suffering more than usual.  I didn't get many headaches, but I did sleep about three hundred hours a day.

That changed yesterday, and this is the important part.  My Sister's house caught on fire.  The good news is that everyone made it out okay and the pets are all fine.  The bad news is that much of the second floor was simply unaccessible and so they don't have any clothes, toys, books, or anything like that.  They managed to get a few things out, but it will take a lot of stuff to keep the family going.

For the moment, the kids and my Sister are staying with us.  It makes things crowded, but they had little choice in the matter.  We're all helping as best we can and trying to make things work.

- Jim

Well, the heat wave is over and life is back to normal.  I want to note something here, I'm not really complaining about the heat for myself.  Yeah, it was hot.  Yeah, I may have even had a touch of heat exhaustion.  Yeah, it was my own fault, so I'll own up to that.  No, any changes I made to my plans and lifestyle during the past week were for the family dog.  It's silly in a way, but it's only a week out of my life, and it's not like I spent the entire week in my room, in the dark, doing nothing.  There were a couple periods like that, but I'd like to call them sleep. 

Actually, I had lots of problems sleeping.  Ah, blah blah blah dog.  I'm not here to blame anything on the dog except my allergies.

Anyway, during the week, Seti@home was either turned way down or totally shut down.  It's back up, I'm doing work again, it'll be a couple days before the numbers return to where they were.  I can't make that time up, but I can get back to doing what I was.  In that area at least.  On a side note, there were stretches of time when all of the computers were turned off as well.  One almost only runs Seti@home and the rest of the stuff it does I either lived without or did on the main computer.  It's a little more complicated and crowded, but it's that much less heat. 

I also didn't watch a lot of television either.  Just enough Forensic Files to keep the DVR from overfilling.  Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't watch an entire episode of Forensic Files either.  They were all repeats that I'd seen dozens of times.  I'm a fan of Forensic Files, but this is ridiculous.  Then again, it was good for this week. I'm not too sad.

I did get to play some old computer games like Doom, Heretic, Terminal Velocity, and um.. Minesweeper.  There was some downtime and playing computer games is both therapeutic and pretty easy.  I don't have to hook anything up, I don't have to have lights on or special equipment running, and I can do it with the fan on full blast (for the dog).  Even internet movies get pretty hard to watch for me with all the background noise.  I have headphones too.  Dang hearing.

That isn't to say I gave up on the plan or list, but there were times when I just got frustrated enough at the distractions caused by the heat or the dog or I got tired of fighting with the fan to read the book I was reading.  Magazines were even worse, by the way.  So, during these periods, I found other things to fill my time and some of them were even productive.  One, might hold a promise, but it needs more time to do proper research and thinking about it.  I started that, but it's not something I want to rush into. 

While we're on that, I hesitate to promise more than I can deliver since it seems I do that a lot, but there is more promise.  Well, there are more possibilities than I thought of.  How useful these possibilities may be aren't fully apparent to me.  But it gives me a little more hope for the future.  Don't get me wrong - I'm still plenty ambivalent about my future, but I'm not slicing my wrists just yet.  I'm not suicidal anyway.  A more accurate description would be that if I fell down dead this very instant, I would be a little more disappointed than I would have if it had happened a month ago.  As I said, ambivalent.

I've also made a lot more plans and got a lot more ideas.  I may have even been productive, but it's hard to say.  I passed a milestone last month and I never remarked about it in the blog - namely, that it's been five years since I've been in this position by my own choices and by circumstance.  I won't say that it's been entirely unproductive, but it has hardly been fruitful.  Still, I know a lot more than I did before.  I know pitfalls that I want to avoid as well.  I think I have a more independent voice than I did as well, less imitative of others who influenced me over the years.  Is it enough?  Well, if I ever produce something, it might be.

Anyway, enough typing for the moment, I have to finish reading this library book.

- Jim

For those keeping track, while the heat wave continues, I have limited my Seti@home work to almost nothing.  Yeah, the heat sucks.  Yeah, I'm worried about my computer.  The family dog has been taking refuge in the relative relief of the computer room and since the relief is just that - relative, I've been turning off electronical devices as much as possible to lower the heat generated by them. 

The only exception is my air filter, which I just turned back on.  It doesn't create a lot of heat, nor use a lot of electricity, but since I still stay in here most of the day working, it helps with my allergies.  As I said, I worry about the dog, but I'm very allergic to her.  Sigh.

Uh anyway, while all that's going on, it's been harder to get anything done.  I've done what I can, but to be honest, it's not as much as I was doing just a week ago.  Stuff like this just takes more time out of the day.

- Jim

I got this message today:

Your browser is no longer supported by Blogger. Some parts of Blogger will not work and you may experience problems.
If you are having problems, try Google Chrome.

That's all well and good.  I mean, Microsoft does it to force people to use their programs.  Wouldn't it be better though to make a better browser that people would WANT to use instead of trying to trick or force them into using it?

For the record, I use Chrome.  Just not all the time, nor do I use it to post my blogs.  If that has to change, then I can just as easily take the blogs offline.  I've been meaning to do it for a while anyway.

It's still a win for you, Google, but not by much.

- Jim

I hope this won't become a regular occurrence, but my house, if I remember correctly, is something like 120 years old.  I know it's well more than a hundred years old.  I firmly believe that it was wired for electricity before they realized that electricity could do useful things.  Anyway, with the heat wave the area is experiencing, combined with the fact that the wiring could withstand no more than a single small piddly air conditioner, I have turned Seti@home off.  Well, mostly off.  It runs a bit in the night usually, but not much.

Honestly, I could withstand more heat, but the computer runs hot anyway, and the dog is not doing well.  Fur sounds like a great idea in the winter, but it's probably torture in weather like this.  I've been running Seti@home for years, but it's not worth a dog's life.

Anyway, I've been reading, doing a little writing, but mostly reading.  I finished A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin, and I'm working on a book I got from the library - The Midnight Disease.  Very interesting reading.  I've got the next three books in the A Song of Fire and Ice series, so I'll keep busy for a while.

- Jim

This isn't a new idea, though it is mostly a new post.  I've written similar ones to it, but I don't think I've ever let them survive to be seen. 

I am mostly the same person I was back when I graduated from high school.  I still like the same things, I still play the same games - or at least am still interested in the same games, I still read the same books, watch the same kinds of shows, and listen to the same music.  But.  I am older, and if not wiser, then I am more bitter and less hopeful about the future.  I am less blinded by optimism and more guarded in my feelings.  But my beliefs about right and wrong haven't changed much at all. 

And so, the old me is still here, not so far away from the me that I am today.  He looks at me and is often disgusted.  I am often disgusted with myself.  Yeah, he understands that I've been injured, for example.  He knows I don't get around as easily as I used to.  But he wouldn't accept the life I lead, though he'd probably understand me being as antisocial as I am sometimes.  Even he liked being alone more than he liked being with others.

But this... the existence I lead - non-productive, non-fun, non-functional existence would kill him.  It kills me.  It shames me that I contribute so little to my own existence.  It shames me even more that I have so little an excuse for my lack of productivity.  The words of some cut deeply - Who do I think I am, believing I know something when I do so little?

I don't have an answer, but I more often believe they're right. 

- Jim

It's about that time again.  I don't allow comments on this blog because this isn't meant to be a debate, but rather a sort of public newsletter.  Still, every now and then people want to get ahold of me.  Still, I don't make it too easy, because again, there's too many people on the internet with nothing better to do than start trouble.  I figure if you go to the effort, it actually means something.

Down on the right, way at the bottom is a single link to email me.  Otherwise, I'm found all over the internet as Mentor397, like the title of the blog.

- Jim

I'm making the attempt to write more, and spend more time writing.  Not here certainly, but in the novels.  Anyway, due to recent events, the schedule is all messed up anyway.  I haven't truly abandoned it, but I've not spent the time on it that I should have. 

Another thing you may notice (or not), is that my progress in Seti@home has slowed.  I've noticed that even on cool days, the computer runs very hot when Seti@home runs.  On these really hot days, I flinch.  I've been shutting computers and programs down as the heat intensifies.  I have plans to mitigate, I think, but it'll have to wait a few days as I get supplies and funds.

- Jim

So the guy who got me interested in politics in high school and who got me back into church is now a fan of skeptic Christopher Hitchens and doesn't vote.  The world is a topsy turvy place.

- Jim