Well, the heat wave is over and life is back to normal. I want to note something here, I'm not really complaining about the heat for myself. Yeah, it was hot. Yeah, I may have even had a touch of heat exhaustion. Yeah, it was my own fault, so I'll own up to that. No, any changes I made to my plans and lifestyle during the past week were for the family dog. It's silly in a way, but it's only a week out of my life, and it's not like I spent the entire week in my room, in the dark, doing nothing. There were a couple periods like that, but I'd like to call them sleep.
Actually, I had lots of problems sleeping. Ah, blah blah blah dog. I'm not here to blame anything on the dog except my allergies.
Anyway, during the week, Seti@home was either turned way down or totally shut down. It's back up, I'm doing work again, it'll be a couple days before the numbers return to where they were. I can't make that time up, but I can get back to doing what I was. In that area at least. On a side note, there were stretches of time when all of the computers were turned off as well. One almost only runs Seti@home and the rest of the stuff it does I either lived without or did on the main computer. It's a little more complicated and crowded, but it's that much less heat.
I also didn't watch a lot of television either. Just enough Forensic Files to keep the DVR from overfilling. Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't watch an entire episode of Forensic Files either. They were all repeats that I'd seen dozens of times. I'm a fan of Forensic Files, but this is ridiculous. Then again, it was good for this week. I'm not too sad.
I did get to play some old computer games like Doom, Heretic, Terminal Velocity, and um.. Minesweeper. There was some downtime and playing computer games is both therapeutic and pretty easy. I don't have to hook anything up, I don't have to have lights on or special equipment running, and I can do it with the fan on full blast (for the dog). Even internet movies get pretty hard to watch for me with all the background noise. I have headphones too. Dang hearing.
That isn't to say I gave up on the plan or list, but there were times when I just got frustrated enough at the distractions caused by the heat or the dog or I got tired of fighting with the fan to read the book I was reading. Magazines were even worse, by the way. So, during these periods, I found other things to fill my time and some of them were even productive. One, might hold a promise, but it needs more time to do proper research and thinking about it. I started that, but it's not something I want to rush into.
While we're on that, I hesitate to promise more than I can deliver since it seems I do that a lot, but there is more promise. Well, there are more possibilities than I thought of. How useful these possibilities may be aren't fully apparent to me. But it gives me a little more hope for the future. Don't get me wrong - I'm still plenty ambivalent about my future, but I'm not slicing my wrists just yet. I'm not suicidal anyway. A more accurate description would be that if I fell down dead this very instant, I would be a little more disappointed than I would have if it had happened a month ago. As I said, ambivalent.
I've also made a lot more plans and got a lot more ideas. I may have even been productive, but it's hard to say. I passed a milestone last month and I never remarked about it in the blog - namely, that it's been five years since I've been in this position by my own choices and by circumstance. I won't say that it's been entirely unproductive, but it has hardly been fruitful. Still, I know a lot more than I did before. I know pitfalls that I want to avoid as well. I think I have a more independent voice than I did as well, less imitative of others who influenced me over the years. Is it enough? Well, if I ever produce something, it might be.
Anyway, enough typing for the moment, I have to finish reading this library book.